“If I had 1 hour to solve a problem, I would think 55 minutes about the problem and 5 minutes about the solution.”
- Albert Einstein
The problem with problems in itself is often finding out what exactly the problem is in itself. In order to solve a problem, something that is constantly and historically central to man’s survival and development since the beginning of our species, one needs to first realize and acknowledge there is a problem, followed by analyzing and identifying exactly what that problem is.
Similarly to how doctors need to diagnose an illness by assessing it’s symptoms in order to find a solution or a cure, individuals or parties involved in a conflict need to be able to recognize the problem first in order to mutually join in uncovering a solution. In order to uncover the origins of a problem, one needs to be versed in finding facts and knowing which questions are pertinent to solving the problem, that must be asked. The following phrases are designed to incite discussion, to get all sides in the mindset of asking the right questions, and to suppress unnecessary negative emotions that might cloud the judgement of both parties involved, and potentially avoid the breakdown of communications of both parties, straining the relationship.
INCITING DISCUSSION:
When a conflict arises, a good principle to jump starting resolution efforts is to create an atmosphere in which information can be exchanged between both parties, as well as perspectives on the matter in question, that can cultivate discussion, without having either party become defensive or engage in argumentive behavior. There has to be an atmosphere in which the opinion of both sides are respected by each other, in order to avoid spiraling down a hole that is hard to dig oneself out of. Therefore the conversation between parties must be one that is open, honest and information is being exchanged back and forth so that both sides can build understanding of the problem and work together towards a solution. The most vital part here is the encouragement of reactions and suggestions, so both sides can know where they stand on certain matters and work promptly to remedy any conflicts that may arise. These are some phrases that you can use to open dialogue between you and your conflicting party:
- I was wondering if you could help me out with a sort of paradox I have happened to find myself in.
- I need to discuss and solve a problem with you that I’m currently having, step by step.
- I have stumbled upon something here and would like to talk about it with you, if that’s all right.
- I need your input on whether what I’m about to tell you is a good idea and what I can do to improve it.
- I’m having some difficulty in finding a solution in regards to a problem/person, and was wondering if I could
receive your input as to how I might go about tackling it. - I’ve run into an issue that has the potential to explode into something that would be difficult to contain and would
like to hear what you have to say about it in order to prevent this calamity. - I would just like you to know that I’m open to discussing any problems you might be experiencing.
- I want to divulge with you I’m problem I’m facing at the moment and wondered if you could give your input as to how
I could go about solving it. - I understand what you’re telling me about so and so.
- I’m just going to repeat what you said so we can avoid any potential confusion as to what you were trying to convey.
- I’m uncertain that I can come to terms with what you are offering. Let’s try to look for alternative solutions to our
mutual problem. - From where you currently stand, this is how I think that you perceive the situation.
- It would help tremendously if you shared your feelings on the situation we have at hand.
- I would appreciate it if you could explain to me about so and so.